Cobbler makes the world go round!
by Danbamina
Summary: What happens when Amortentia finds its way into a cobbler thats served to the entire school? Read to find out! R&R PLEASE! Be nice about it too!


_**Hey everyone! Danbamina and I decided to co-write a… different fanfic. Therefore, this is not my usual writing style, so don't think that I would EVER write such atrocious sentences! Except the first one… Anyway, read and enjoy! This is a one-shot and it's extremely hilarious:) HAVE AT IT! **_

_**P.S. I also would've made this a HP/HG fanfic, because that's the way I roll. **_

_**HP + HG FOREVER!**_

_**HMB**_

**A Word From Danbamina: HEY PEEPS! I made Harry's My Boy NOT make this an H/Hr fanfic! YAAAAAY ME! Because I just don't really like that all that much, except in Summer Changes, where it's actually a good thing. ;) Yep! I made up the pairings I dictated, she tweaked it a little bit…ok a lot….but still! She helped in more than one way…KLAUS! STOP THAT! Excuse me one moment while I wrestle with the sexy beast inside of me…KLAUS! GET YOUR NICE BUTT OVER HERE! Coming! …**

As a general rule, never EVER give Professor Dumbledore a love potion, because he's extremely susceptible to overreacting to said potion, and as a result of this, Seamus Finnegan will run screaming from the room in order to throw himself into the Black Lake, regardless of the danger of the murderous Merpeople of the murky city of Murkdom. Oh yes, you weren't there when the incident occurred, were you? Let us take ourselves several days into the past. (_**dramatic music plays**_)

It was a normal day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The grounds were flooded with bright happy sunshine and the students were all relaxing on the grassy banks of the glassy lake. Some of them were swimming happily, but three students were in the hot kitchens, baking a blueberry cobbler. These were Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley. Hermione was almost finished beating her batter and was about to pour it onto fresh dewy berries that she picked illegally from the Forbidden Forest.

Harry was staring hungrily at the unbaked batter and was licking his lips slowly while Hermione stirred the gooey substance with a heavy wooden spoon. Ron was just staring at Hermione's chest until Harry reached out, without looking away from the batter, and smacked him upside the head. "OW!" The redhead exclaimed in faux pain while Hermione rolled her eyes exasperatedly.

"Stop being such a baby, Ronald," she sighed looking up from her batter long enough for Harry to swipe several spoonfuls of batter, which she didn't notice. Seeing as half of her batter had mysteriously disappeared in the past fifteen minutes, she added more milk, flour, and other ingredients required to make such a cobbler. Unfortunately for everyone who ate this cobbler, that milk was actually pure Amortentia hidden there by Ginerva Weasley to use on Harry Potter. Therefore, the cobbler was tainted with this love potion, unbeknownst to its baker.

Suddenly, Dobby the house elf burst in on the scene. "Miss Grangy! Miss Grangy!" He squeaked in his high pitched voice. "We **has** to have your cobbler 'cause someone **else** ates ours!" He cried with a pointed glare at Ron.

"What? I was hungry!' He groaned as he massaged his stomach. "The Ron has to eat something every two hours!"

Hermione looked from Harry, licking his fingers, to Ron, who was still massaging his growling stomach, to Dobby, who was yanking his bat-like ears over his eyes in distress. "All right, Dobby, you can use it. It just has to bake properly." She said with a kind smile at the house elf.

"Thankses Miss Grangy!" Dobby quickly took the cobbler batter from her and shooed the trio out of the kitchen.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat down to dinner, looking forward to dessert, when they would get to taste Hermione's cobbler. Dumbledore said his few words (Ooo! Eee! Ooo! Aah! Aah! Ting! Tang! Walla! Walla! Bing! Bang!), and immediately sat down, leaving everyone in a stunned silence to contemplate the meaning of such wise words.

Hermione immediately grabbed some salmon and started to eat quickly, while Ron grabbed everything he could reach, forcing Harry to lose his appetite and decide to wait until dessert to eat so that he could see if the cobbler was as good as the batter tasted. Suddenly, Hermione leapt from her seat, holding her hand over her mouth. Unfortunately for her, the salmon was a month old, which the house elves had taken no notice of. Hermione rushed from the Great Hall and around the corner and out of sight, towards the Hospital Wing, yelling something incoherent about house elves, bad fish, and cobbler.

Harry decided that she could take care of herself as the desserts appeared, taking the place of the dinner foods. Harry immediately snagged a small piece of cobbler before Ron could inhale all that was on the platter. Just as Harry finished swallowing a piece of cobbler, Buckbeak (AKA Witherwings) rushed by the window, causing a ruckus. He stared dreamily out the window where the hippogriff had been moments before, as if wishing for him to reappear. Neville had suddenly taken interest in his toad, Trevor, who had suddenly hopped onto his knee from nowhere. Klaus, a male stripper from Bulgaria who also went by the name Claude or Claudine, was sitting across from the two, staring dreamily at Malfoy, holding an UNEATEN piece of cobbler. Malfoy immediately stalked over, shouted something obscene at him, and snatched the cobbler away from Klaus, who looked as though he were about to cry.

"I'm taking this to Professor Snape," Malfoy snapped as he started to walk away. "_Well, I could try it. I mean, what he doesn't know won't hurt him!_" So, he sampled a bite of the cobbler, while glaring at Klaus evilly. Suddenly, his expression went from evil to suggestive. He handed the cobbler to Snape, who looked at the bite taken out of it with disgust. (_**Malfoy IS a bit dense, after all**_.) Then, the blond Slytherin sidled over to the Gryffindor table, ignoring Crabbe's sudden obsession with his arse. "Hey good lookin'." He smirked suggestively at the Metamorphmagus (Klaus), whose hair suddenly turned bright cerulean.

"THANK YOU!!!" He cried to the Heavens, where God, sitting on his golden throne, nodded his head in acceptance. (**I don't want to insult anyone, so that was just for hilarity, not to make fun of anyone…coughcoughKlauscoughcough**) Klaus then turned his attention to Malfoy, who by this time was shirtless and nodding and winking at Klaus in a way that totally turned Klaus on. Klaus placed his well muscled arm around Malfoy's shoulders and escorted him out of the Great Hall. (Several hours later Malfoy awoke in Klaus's arms and screamed as loud as he could. Years later, anyone in Great Britain would swear that they heard a mortified scream piercing the night, originating in the vicinity of northern Scotland.)

Meanwhile, Harry was searching the grounds for Buckbeak the hippogriff. "Have you seen my sexy beast?" Harry inquired of a couple of very pretty 5th year girls who merely giggled and walked away, taking that as a sign saying no, Harry proceeded to ask a number of other students as well.

Ronald Weasley, on the other hand, was found with Dobby the house elf, who was currently asking, "Why is Harry's Weasy hugging Dobby? Mhmaagah!" As Ron's lips met his in a passionate lip lock. As Ron pulled away, you could here Dobby's screams echoing in the kitchens, where Hermione was telling off the house elves about how to **actually** cook salmon, and how long to keep it after it has been cleaned.

Finally, Dumbledore was seen chasing Seamus along the Gryffindor corridor, screaming at the top of his lungs, "WAIT MY LUSCIOUS PRINCE! WAIT! I WANT TO---OH DANG! What's that password again?" Dumbledore stopped screaming as Seamus disappeared through the portrait hole and into the safety of the common room, where he stood panting and glancing around wildly for a hiding place, finding one under the nearest table; he dashed under it just as Dumbledore entered the room. Dumbledore looked around for Seamus, and upon seeing him under the table he crouched down and whispered seductively, "Good idea! We can't be seen there!" Seamus was frozen with terror as Dumbledore moved in for… The Kiss. (_**dramatic music plays once again**_)

Meanwhile, Severus Snape and Argus filch, who had long had a crush on said Potions Master, were found in a broom cupboard on the third floor, locked in a passionate embrace. Colin and Dennis Creevey were the unfortunate individuals who found the pair, exclaiming such statements as, "Wow!", "Did you get that one?", and, "Oh my God! Look at what they're doing NOW! I didn't know guys could do that!" Whilst Snape and Filch were completely unaware of the two's presence at their secret meeting.

Eventually, the Amortentia wore off, leaving the people who ingested it scarred for life at what they had done. Harry and Hermione were found together the next day, having been secretly dating for several months. But, they were known to have raised creatures that looked like winged centaurs with bird claws…

_**DUN, DUN DUNNNNN!!!! Ha, Ha. I've had so much fun with this! (hee, hee, hee, I snuck in the pairing). Anyway, thanks for reading, sorry if we scarred you for life, and please, no flames!! Please and thank you!**_

**A Word from Danbamina: Well, like my co-author said this was TONS of fun to write! And no flames! This wasn't meant to scar you and therefore, by reading this and getting scarred it's YOUR entire fault for not stopping as soon as you realized that! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Etc.**


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